“Act like a man” is one of those phrases that needs definition before using it. After all, this statement may have different actions associated to it depending on who is communicating it. I remember telling my oldest son this for the first time. I could feel his eyes trying to pry open my brain in attempt to read my mind. I realized then that the message that I was trying to convey is one learned through experience, time and patience. The goal, to explain to him that “acting like a man” is not just something you do, rather it is the way you live.
Love & Respect
I asked my son, “Why do you think I open the door for your mommy?” He responds, “To let her in.” While he was right I had to take time to explain how this act showed respect to my wife. Men should strive to be gentlemen. Now this does not mean my wife or any woman for that matter are incapable of the same action. It reflects a level of admiration, a gesture to let her know that she is appreciated.
“Respect what you love and appreciate people”
I want my sons to understand the value of respecting what they love. We protect the people that we love. I show this in many ways.
- I ensure that my wife and children walk on the inside of the sidewalk
- I stop to just listen to what my wife has to say
- I plan today to help my family live a better life tomorrow
My wife always accuses me of going too far into the details when explaining things to my young sons. I am always of the opinion that they are never too young to learn. I think a key element in educating my children with the particulars revolve around teaching them before the world tries to tell them who they should be.
I want my sons to appreciate people. The neighbor that speaks every day. The neighbor that never speaks. Their teacher. The cashier at the grocery store. People they don’t agree with. People that will love them. People that will hate them. Family. And most important of all God.
I am not a fan of hearing my sons complain about what they do not have. I teach them to appreciate what they do have and to come up with a plan to obtain the things that they are interested in. Whether it’s things or people, it is easy to get distracted and forget the value of what is around us. I am no different from most. I look back 25 years to remember lessons that my father taught me only to appreciate them now.
Perseverance & Strength
Fathers play a tremendous role in how their son’s develop. We make mistakes as people. I have made mistakes as a father. I have failed. The message to my children is to never let shortcomings define them. Failure is not the end. Giving up is. I loop them in when I fall short so I can show them that I am not perfect. Perfection is never the goal but perseverance is.
“I can accept failure. Everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying.” Michael Jordan
“Successful people don’t fear failure but understand that it’s necessary to learn and grow from.” Robert Kiyosaki
The Truth About Strength
Taking care of your body is essential. My son and I talk about physical strength and the importance to be able to defend yourself and those you love. We have to be sure that emotional and spiritual strength are considered. In fact, without these types of strengths you will misuse your physical strength.
For those familiar with Star Wars, Anakin Skywalker was one of the most powerful Jedi that lived. However several feelings, including the need for power and fear allowed him to be seduced by the dark side. His strength and talents made him a force to be reckoned with but his inability to stop his feelings from clouding his judgement cost him his life.
Our feelings are what makes us human. The joy when we look into the eyes of our children and the rage that ensues upon the news that someone has hurt them. It is important to learn how to keep our feelings in check. Even more necessary to understand what you are feeling and how to process it.
I teach my sons to rely on faith. Faith in God. This world will offer pleasures and lusts that will distract us. Men need discernment to fully understand the intention of people or a particular situation. What feels good to us may lead us down a path of sin, then ultimately death.
The truth about strength is understanding that you do not have to face life alone, but you have to be willing to ask for help.
Act Like A Man
When I tell my sons to “act like men,” I am telling them to love and love hard. Love despite the hate that others may give. I am telling them to respect people despite how different they may be. I want them to respect themselves enough to know when their next decision could hurt them. Life will be tough but my message to them is to never give up. They will fail, they will fall, but as sure as the sun rises they will get back up. I am telling them to be strong because everything worth fighting for will require work. I am telling them that God will lead them as long as they will follow. When I say “act like I man” I am telling my sons to live by a set of values that will prepare them for life.